“I went to Rose once, I got pooped upon by my professors.”

— Dr. Hoover, here to continue the cycle of torment.

“There will be a test on Tuesday, and it will be on everything we have covered so far…..and then some.”

— Dr. Burchett, who has unusually high expectations of college students.

“I’m going to have to bring my wet noodle to class…”

— Dr. Throne, proud owner of a wet noodle.

“You go out and the bus may hit you. You may die.”

— Dr. Mohan, explaining why you should donate to Rose before it is too late.

“Iggy is a good name for a squid, I think.”

— Dr. Thom, senior lecturer in the nomenclature of marine biology.

“Stage 2, death robot comes along...”

— Dr. Nolte, who ends all his classes with a cliffhanger.

“We only need to do what? Squish it!”

— Dr. Holder, amateur sumo wrestler.

“I get called Darth Vader in my own home...”

— Dr. Bunch, master of negative force vectors.

“I pull my load out...”

— Dr. Bryan, silencing his opponents with awkwardness.

“Don’t worry, it’s not H1N1. I just got a tickle in my nose.”

— Dr. Sutterer, patient zero of the tickle plague.

“I’m cute, you’re cute, let’s have a date.”

— Dr. VanSchoiack, teaching remedial interpersonal communications.