Roommate rumble, how do you handle conflict?

When we live with new people it can be very exciting. If you are a new student at Rose, you may be excited by the new found freedom and responsibility that comes with living on your own. Having a roommate to share these experiences with can make them seem even better. If this is not your first year, you may have been living with the same person for some time or you may be living with someone new. In any of these situations, there is a possibility for conflict.

Conflict can happen in any relationship. The most important thing to remember is that conflict does not have to ruin the relationship. There are things that can be done in order to deal with conflict constructively, and working through the difficult situation can be both a learning and growing experience.

The best way to handle roommate conflicts is, of course, to prevent them. The easiest way to prevent a conflict with your roommate is to have an honest talk about things that may make you upset. If you and your roommate discuss things that could bother you, it may prevent problems from occurring.

Planning ahead and discussing possible problem areas can be helpful, but there still may be conflicts that you cannot plan for. If this happens, there are steps that can be taken to prevent the situation from damaging the relationship. The first thing to remember is to never react in anger. If your roommate does something that upsets you, it is important to take some time to calm down before bringing it up. Calming down will allow you to approach the problem logically but it can also prevent you from acting rashly and saying or doing something you may later regret.

When you begin discussing the conflict it is important to maintain a focus on the problem at hand. Another technique that is helpful in conflict situations is “I” statements. Using “I” statements can help both parties not feel attacked. Using the phrase “I feel disrespected” is less accusatory than “you make me feel disrespected”. When you use “I” statements, you provide an opportunity for your roommate to hear what you are saying without feeling attacked. Throughout any conflict, it is important to remember the key to solving problems is usually compromise. If you must involve a third party, it is important to try to involve them early in the conflict before things become overwhelming. Another thing to remember: if you must involve someone, ensure he or she can be objective, like a Resident Advisor, Sophomore Advisor, or faculty member who you trust.

It may not be possible to avoid conflict, but you can take steps to make sure that if you have a disagreement, it can be solved fairly and equitably.

This information is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any disease or disorder. Nor is it intended to replace a consultation with a mental health provider.