Top Ten reasons to buy a bonfire shirt

10. All proceeds go to the blowing up of the bonfire. That’s right, pyrotechnics. Line up in Mees 406 now…

9. You don’t wanna be the creepy guy reading the back of someone else’s shirt next week...that’s just not cool…..

8. They are only $5. The econ majors can tell you how great of a deal that is…if you can find one. (and there’s our econ major joke for the quarter, which major is next?)

7. Everyone else is wearing them, so join us!...One of us…One of us…

6. Even the naked lady on the fish wants one…she just keeps trying to pay in fish, we don’t know what to do…Anyone like fish?

5. Thanks to its state-of-the-art ergonomically vertical design, your suspenders will fit perfectly!

4. It’s a new shirt for cheap! Put laundry off for another day! Two if you’re good!

3. If we buy enough, we can order more since the (censored) moron who bought the (expletive deleted) shirts bought too many (Bleep)ing larges and not enough smalls. Then, we’ll fire that (expletive) monkey (Illegal use of the word “candy”)

2. Mees girls sell them door to door. Girls. Coming into a guy’s room. Buying the shirt should keep them there at least 30 more seconds.

1. They have a top ten list on the back! (Shameless plug. We know it. We have no shame. Ever seen Top Ten Reasons Rose Girls are Better Than Other Girls? Exactly.)