Interpretive Education

What if engineering was like some of the more esoteric liberal arts fields, where things like facts are tossed out in favor of “truths,” beliefs, and inane opinions? To find out, I went deep undercover as a corporate-hating-Democrat-hippie pot dealer with three trisexual multi-racial parents at a liberal arts university, where thanks to the enormous class sizes, no one noticed me spying on the various lectures.

Unfortunately, I was discovered and subsequently kicked out when I accidentally sat in on an international relations class and made a remark based on logical deductions from a statistical analysis of the relative contributions of each nation to scientific progress. While an angry and slightly intoxicated mob chased me away from their bastion of free thinking for my rationality, I texted this article to the Flipside.

Archaic languages: If you thought translating between Metric and English units were hard, try translating a schematic of a suspension bridge between Aramaic and Latin. On the plus side, if you ever make a mistake and someone dies, just blame it on the construction workers’ shameful ignorance of the “damn well still alive” languages.

History: I fell asleep and was unable to learn anything about history, except that history is really boring.

Music: Apparently music majors spend their entire lives studying and reproducing harmonic oscillations. My EE friend has a small combination signal generator/oscilloscope which replicated Mozart’s life’s work in roughly 3 days and finished his unfinished works in the following afternoon. He is currently using it to figure out why his radio has trouble receiving the song about “supermanning holes” (I have no idea what language that song is in or what “supermanning holes” even translate to).

Psychology: The most awesome class ever. You get points based on how deviant your opinions are from everyone else’s. Finally, some people who applaud the genius behind my idea of conquering the world with a cyborg army. Of course, since they have no career prospects, money, or useful organs, they can not assist my plans.

Art: I was too disgusted to take an arts class after hearing about how some Yale girl made her senior project with leftover matter from self-induced miscarriages.

Women’s studies: The class is full of women, who glared at me until I left. In reflection, wearing a “bros before ho’s” t-shirt was not the correct disguise for this situation.