The Flipside solves everything

Schrödinger’s Cat

Is the cat in the box dead, is it not dead... Ever tried putting a live cat in a shoebox? Been there. Doesn’t work. Thus, we can assume that if the cat does not jump out of the box and proceed to maul you, it must be dead.

Time Travel

This one’s cake. All you have to do is make a wormhole, keep it open via the Casimir effect, drag it with a spaceship to some area of extremely dense gravity so that time dilation occurs in one end of the wormhole, and return it to it’s original spot, thus allowing the user to go back in time an amount equal to the time the one end of the wormhole was time dilated. Theoretically speaking, of course.

Why are you single?

Multiple solutions to this one. 1) The whole 1 to 4 ratio thing. 2) The whole “the odds are good, but the goods are odd” thing. 3) The whole “you’re actually dating your homework, you’re just in denial about it” thing. I’m thinking #3.

Energy Crisis

We got this one covered. Simply harness all the static electricity generated in Deming and Speed over the winter, and that should power the Western Hemisphere for half the year. Two-thirds of the year when the new StarCraft game comes out.

Global Warming

This one’s not a problem. The Cubs are 15—6. Clearly, it’s a very cold day in hell, and thus the rest of the Earth will be cooled from the inside. If they win the World Series, I expect the next Ice Age soon.

Murphy’s Law

The old “everything that can go wrong, will go wrong” principal. The mathematical proof for this one is a bit long, so I will simply point out three examples that prove its existence:

1. The Chicago Cubs
2. The War in Iraq
3. My dating life

Conservation of mass, steady state, simple Qin = Qout. Make sure to integrate for the changing pressure caused by the spring. And don’t forget that mass flow rate = density * velocity * area!

Liar’s Paradox

You know, “The next line is true,” “The previous line is false.” To be a little clichéd, you have to think outside the box. Simply add a third line at the end, “The two proceeding statements were gibberish,” and it’s solved.

The Theory of Everything

Commonly called the “Unified Field Theory,” it’s actually just a book by Stephen Hawking. Seriously. Good read though.

The Meaning of Life

This one was tough…so I MAPLE’d it (since MAPLE can solve anything) as follows:

Solve(meaning_of_life, x);

And received the following answer:

Error, missing operator or ;

Thus, as proven by MAPLE, the meaning of life is to find the missing semi-colon. Or operator. But I don’t know what an operator is. No one does. Semi-colon it is!