Populace in poverty, politician promises change

The recent economic downturn caused by maliciously incompetent Wall Street bankers has struck all Americans, not merely those stupid enough to believe that a monthly household income of thirty-six thousand dollars is enough to afford a split-level ranch in the suburbs, and are now whining on national television. The reason that all Americans should be worried about this issue is because the federal government has decided to devalue the already free-falling dollar to “pay” for the debts incurred due to the deceptive and foolish practices of the now bankrupt brokers in order to prevent a market collapse. Of course, when currency is devalued, everything is going to cost more, and this wave of inflation is going to hit the entire country hard.

Naturally, various politicians have spoken up recently in order to use the suffering of others to bolster their own positions. Some promise ridiculous things, like free everything for everyone. Some are unable to wheeze a response to questions due to their age. Some advocate personal responsibility so something like this will not happen again, but his audacity at suggesting such a thing caused him to be run out of town. Only one politician has promised the one thing all Americans really want. He is Orack Babama, and he promises change.

Yes! Change, sweet glittering change! He is the herald of change, promising change for everyone, whether you are black, biracial, or “a typical white person.” Not only that, he also promises to give hope to the hopelessness and dreams to the insomniac. Abby Normal had this to say: “I sure like that Babama fellow, I really could use some change. I’ve almost saved up enough to get Jack Daniels… some shoes. He’s my son, honest.” Tom Bogey said, “At last, a politician that does not promise nebulous concepts with empty rhetoric! Obama is the man. He actually promises something we can all get our hands on.” Finally, Cilliam Winton said, “Anyone but Cillary, she might find all the magazines I hid in the Resolute desk.” He then ran off when a shrill call that sounded remarkably like “Cill!” was heard.

Their opinions do not matter of course, since they are not superdelegates. Neither will your opinions, but be sure to vote anyway.