OBox for the octogenarians

Macrohard announced today that they will be developing a new line of OBox 180’s for the elderly market, ages 65 and up. This new development has brought up some suspicions that Macrohard is feeling the pressure from Mony with the format wars being over. Gill Bates, however, in response to this accusation said, “Look, I can buy and sell you at the drop of a hat. Stop making insinuations about my child or I’ll get you a new pair of shoes, if you catch my drift. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a charity to attend.” While this commentary sheds little insight into the company’s developments on the new 180, everyone is still mildly excited about the rehashing of the new-generation system for an audience that has shown little interest in the video game industry.
The new OBox’s exterior will include no sharp corners, and will have the weight reduced to that of a piece of paper so it may be lugged around by the mobile octogenarian visiting his homies for a game of “Balo 23.” Also, instead of the noises of a fan coming from the exhaust, the system will overlay the sound with music from Sank Frinatra, Jetta Ames, and Mohnny Jathis. This will hopefully lead to a calming atmosphere for the latest line of games being released for the system via an OBox Arcade equivalent, OBox Nursing Home (name subject to change). On it, players will be able to download games such as “Feed the Pigeons,” “Pet the Cat: Imaginary and Not,” “Visit the Grandkids,” “Baking 2 the Extreme,” and “X Games: Viagra Not Required.” Several concerns have come up stating that the OBox 180 gaming experience is too complex or stressful for the older generation. To meet these concerns, the Macrohard design team has incorporated a health monitoring system into the controller. If the player’s heartbeat begins to fade, the controller is equipped with a high-end defibrillator to allow for an easier return back to the living.

Macrohard says they plan to release their new OBox 180 in response to the SP8 release of “Alloy Transmission Soft 4” as a last hurrah for the once-dominant system. A message from the Mony Corporation to Macrohard was intercepted, and found to contain the phrase “We are Mony. Resistance in futile. Surrender the OBox” one hundred times. Macrohard has not released a response statement and reports indicate that their pants are still at the cleaners for “undisclosed reasons.”