Crappo Hall to get windows

Hose-Rulman’s Paternal Order Of Portholes may have finally won its way with the Planning and Design Committee. Beginning next summer, Crappo Hall will have porthole style windows installed on the second and third floors.

“For decades, the Paternal Order Of Portholes has campaigned for windows — specifically nautically-inspired portholes — in Crappo Hall,” said Order Grandfather Rauncy Chose. “Hose students just couldn’t squeeze out any good ideas in that constipating environment.”

The portholes, to be located on the outer walls of the building facing the Quoot Radrangle and Stook Cadium, will significantly enhance the architectural aroma of Crappo.

“It’s just such a massive dump,” said sophomore electrical engineering major I. M. Grunting. “Whenever I’m in that building, I just strain and strain and nothing comes out.”

“Honestly, I’m surprised that building slipped through the cracks of our #2 design team,” mused Campus Architectural Director Mounds A. Bound. “It’s the little squeaker that snuck by.”

Construction of the new windows will use a novel Hole Flapper technique developed by Kaboom. “We hope to blast open Crappo’s new windows using a massive gas attack,” said Kaboom spokeswoman Eggy Floof. “We’ll rip one window open, then rip another, and another, and another, until we can’t let any more fly.”

Students are invited to a special “Breath of Fresh Air” party hosted by the Paternal Order Of Portholes on September 28, which, in addition to the explosive gas release from Crappo, will feature performances from community bands “Thunder,” “Cheesin’,” “Fluffy,” and “Jumping Guts.” “What more can I say? We at P.O.O.P, after a long, hard, painful struggle, are finally relieved,” exclaimed Chose.