MISSING LINK DISCOVERED! THE BEAST ABDUCTS WOMEN AND EATS CREATIONIST BABIES!

Terre Haute, Indiana - Anthropologists around the world are hailing the discovery of “the Beast” as the missing piece to the puzzle of mankinds’ origins. Yet residents of the smelly town of Terre Haute, Indiana live in terror : THE BEAST FEASTS ON THE FLESH OF HUMANS AND POOPS ON OLD LADIES’ LAWNS!!!

“That ther critter ate mah leg whul I was on my truck bashin’!” said local Ricky Skraggs after a fun Friday night turned in to an APALLINGLY APPETIZING AMPUTATION.

As the Beast continues to run amuck, scientists struggle in their attempts to classify it.

“I thought Homo erectus would be the most appropriate name, but it was already taken... we’ll just call him homo for now,” said Dr. Wronglove.

Scientific classifications aside, the once-happy citizens of Terre Haute will need more than name-calling to stop the Beast’s RUTHLESS RAMPAGE.