Top Ten signs you shouldn’t send all student e-mails

10. You don’t need to thank us all for something a few people did. Thank them.

9. Only one person left their glasses in Olin, or forgot their book in the commons, or lost an earring in the bathroom. That’s what lost and founds are for.

8. Your e-mail is only 40 characters long. Chances are, it’s not that important.

7. Flyers still work great. The print shop needs money, support them!

6. Your first e-mail contained incorrect information or a link to something like xxxxxxxxxxxx.xx. For shame.

5. Your name doesn’t include Dr. J, Hayes, Miller, Gustafson, or Huber. Ergo, chances are I won’t be kicked out for deleting your e-mail before reading it.

4. Your sending a repeat e-mail less than a week after the first. That’s just excessive.

3. We can’t have pets larger than the toilet drain on campus, so we can’t claim the newborn kittens, or puppies, or komodo dragons. Isn’t there an “All Off-campus” e-mail list?

2. I can’t join your honor fraternity, I won’t join your actual fraternity, and I shouldn’t join your fake fraternity. Try the “All Freshmen” list.

1. I’m not a math or chemical major, and I will therefore never understand nor attend anything related to the polymerization of eucalyptus, the algebraic derivation of Fourier series and transforms, or pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanoconiosis. Subscription lists anyone?