Helping your friends through difficult times

Friends are an important part of our lives. As human beings we are drawn to relationships with others. Having good friendships can make difficult times seem less difficult and can make great times seem all the better. Last week, I spoke about how to make new friends, but this week I would like to talk about how to care for the friends we have. Most people do not have difficulty being there when a friend comes to them and says that they are having trouble. Usually we can think of the right thing to say or do, or sometimes we just sit with our friend and offer comfort. The tough times come when we notice that our friends are doing something that is dangerous to them, but they don’t seem to notice. Perhaps they are drinking too much or doing drugs and you are concerned. Maybe they are not going to class when they should and spend all their time in bed. Sometimes we will see that our friends are in relationships that aren’t healthy. Perhaps their partner is physically or emotionally abusive. These are some of the things that cause us to worry about our friends and to wonder how we can help them.

When confronting your friend approach them calmly, and share your concerns in a genuine and honest way.

When trying to help a friend it is important to keep a few things in mind. When confronting your friend, approach them calmly and share your concerns in a genuine and honest way. This lets your friend know what you are feeling and also shows that you care about them. Share your concerns using specific examples, if possible. When you use specific examples it keeps you on track and can help your friend not feel attacked because you are focusing on a specific behavior or set of behaviors. Express your concern for your friend and what you are trying to accomplish. When you reiterate your concern and also discuss what you hope to accomplish with your friend, it helps keep the discussion on track. Try to avoid labeling your friend. You don’t want to tell your friend that they are depressed or an alcoholic, as this may cause them to shut you out and then you will have less of a chance to help them. It is also important to discuss options with your friend. This is definitely a time when two heads can be better than one. The two of you can brainstorm and develop a plan for what to do next.

This is only a brief overview of ways that you can help a friend, but remember that one of the great things about Rose is how many people are here to help. You do not have to be alone in this and RA’s, SA’s, faculty, staff and the counselors are all here to help you with these concerns. If you feel like you are not able to share your concerns about your friend with them, you can share them with someone who can help or help you find help for your friend.

This information is not intended to diagnose, treat, or prevent any disease or disorder. Nor is it intended to replace a consultation with a mental health provider.