The career fair challenge

Let’s face it people, we go to Rose. The Career Fair isn’t a challenge for us. Finding a job? It’s like finding a mess-up in the Spears’ family.

With this attitude in mind, I have developed a way for everyone to have a little fun next Wednesday: The Career Fair Challenge. The point is not to get a job or internship, but to get one in style. There are three levels to this epic challenge: Bronze, the amateurs, Silver, the professionals, and Gold, the undisputed masters. Do you have what takes to achieve these illustrious rankings? Read-on!

Bronze Level: The Amateurs. The new challengers to this game, these people try not to break the rules, but to bend them and get away with it. They may secretly chew gum during interviews, or perhaps have their shirt un-tucked during the day. If they’re feeling really gutsy, they may even show up with white socks hidden under their pants instead of black. All players start at this level of the game, but they must progress quickly to professionals, or risk being left behind in the challenge.

Who would start at this level of mischief? Seniors, people who actually want jobs, and those far less fortunate that lack the courage for greater levels of danger.

Silver Level: The Professionals. The true players of the career fair. The men and women that are no longer just bending the rules, they’re breaking them like the junior’s laptops. Long hair and an un-kept appearance is just the tip of the iceberg for these competitors. Common moves for this crowd include excessive gum chewing, falsifying of the resume, and of course, the hangover. For those wishing to truly elevate their game, suits and dresses may be skipped for the casual Friday look. Hiring at this point of the game is no longer guaranteed, but still well within the bounds of those who can still bring out the best in their education. Bonus points if you can do that while wearing sandals.

Who would dare enter this level of dastardly deeds? Sophomores and juniors honing their craft, those who don’t quite know if they want an internship, econ majors, math majors, and people with a 3.9.

Gold Level: The Masters. Now we’re talking, the Gold medalists. The Cream of the crop. The Einsteins of the everyday. The men and women that make the Fonz look like Urkel at cheerleading practice. These elite few are the job applicants that take up the challenge not of avoiding the common mistakes of the career fair, but instead of inventing unique new ones. They don’t merely waltz in the SRC wearing sandals and a Hawaiian shirt, headphones blaring Sublime while still on a hangover from Monday. No, these professionals roll in on a skateboard, lit cigar in one hand, beer in the other, wearing boarder shorts and a tuxedo t-shirt while giving sweaty hand shakes to their job interviewers. No hangovers here - they’re still drunk. The first question they ask is not “What does your company do,” it’s “Is there a bar in the office? And what’s your policy on workplace relationships?” And my personal favorite, “Is the other interviewer single? She is rockin!” And yes, somehow, some way, these champions still get hired. Few are chosen to even attempt this level of expertise, and even less succeed. But if you do, if you can still get hired you truly are a master of the career fair.

What select few would be man enough to try this level? Freshmen, people who enjoy unemployment, people with a 4.0, Civils, and anyone named Lon Farr.