The Top Ten guide to New Year’s resolutions

11. You’re not going to stay on top of your homework, or get more sleep, or study more for tests by just saying you will. Have you tried making a schedule? Positive reinforcement? Shock therapy?

10. Think of something you should make a resolution about. Challenging the World Record for continuous hours spent playing video games (without knowing it) is not one of those.

9. Resolve something for other people! Make your roommate swear not to sing show tunes from musicals anymore - unless it’s Reefer Madness, since that is the best musical ever.

8. Get a group of people and make the resolution together. It’s a lot easier to play “Rock Band” for four hours a night if everyone plays “Rock Band” for four hours a night... then no one complains about the noise…

7. For real revolutions, avoid cheap solutions to your resolutions. (Bonus points for rhyming!) Vowing to get more sleep should not be achieved by sleeping more while in class.

6. Resolve to send us more prof quotes! We’re dying here people!

5. Resolve not to start Civil Wars among student organizations. (But isn’t it impressive just to be able to say that? I thought so…)

4. Resolve to save the environment by following at least three of last week’s suggestions. (Editor’s note: Following three of them may be hazardous to your social life… Scratch that. Trying any of them will be hazardous to your social life…)

3. Resolve to not be so redundant by resolving not to redundantly say resolving or resolve like a redundant resolver.

2. Resolve to continue your “good natured banter” to “cheer up” those people less fortunate than you. You know, DePauw students… Purdon’t students… Majors that begin with C and don’t rhyme with “demical.”

1. Resolve not to send anymore frivolous all-campus e-mails. You know who you are…