Surefire writer’s block cures

“Spin clockwise 17 times-and count carefully-before your true soulmate in life startles you.”

I’ve tried this and other “cures” for writer’s block. One consisted of two scoops of whey protein powder-unflavored, if you can-a cup of 2% milk, ½ cup melted butter, and six tbsp. of guacamole. The guacamole must contain lemon or lime juice, but no hot sauce. Drink quickly-don’t let the butter solidify-and hurry back to your computer for at least 12 hours of writing bliss.

You know what? Those cures work.

Don’t look at me like that. I promise. Try it.