ARA joins Facebook, causes tasty dilemmas

While checking my Facebook News Feed, I noticed that a friend of mine had become friends with “Rose-Hulman ARA.” The ARA having a Facebook profile is possibly the greatest thing since sliced bread. That is to say, sliced bread that didn’t come from the ARA.

So I’m checking out their profile. All the stuff you’d expect: their residence is “The Hulman Union,” their hometown is “Terre Haute,” and their political views are “other.” There were also some exciting things. Apparently they are interested in both men and women for “whatever they can get.” Their photo is the wacky girl from the website stuffing her face with a burger.

“But what does it all mean?” I ask myself. It means the News Feed will be super amazing! Every time the ARA updates their status, I’ll know. “The ARA wants to be sure everyone knows that that nuts could be in the peanut cookies.” “The ARA is upset that someone dropped a napkin into the silverware bin.” “The ARA is feeling sad today, because there are students to deal with on Buffalo Chicken Night.”

When the ARA posts their note, “MeMorIEs!” and tags me in it, I can totally leave memories for them to reminisce about. “Once I ordered an omelet on the weekend, and it was undercooked and egg just ran everywhere! Some of it even splashed into my lap!” It’ll also be fun to read all the other memories people left as well!

It means that it’ll actually be convenient to leave comments on their wall. When I want to leave one of the usual “This food tasted... less foody than normal” comments, I won’t have to double back to the other side of the ARA. I can just zone out while my teachers are talking and write on their Facebook.

But in the end, I hesitated before I clicked, “Add to Friends.” What would everyone think if I actually associated with the ARA? I’d be totally blackballed! Nobody would want me in their groups for projects and all the people I know and care about would drop me from their friends list! And if that number ever drops, I may just have to cry. Cry very manly tears.