The care and feeding of...

A few issues back, the Throne announced that we couldn’t keep our mascot in our dorms. This is simply ridiculous, a shameful display of spinelessness found only in political science majors. We are engineers, and I’ll be damned if we can’t keep our mascot on campus!

The first step I took was to procure an elephant. This was actually fairly easy to do, but unfortunately, I was taken aback when the “salesman” asked if I wanted a male or female. Rosie is obviously a girl’s name, but the elephant on my shirt reeks of masculine fury. At any rate, I decided to compromise; I would get a female elephant and inject her with a few pints of testosterone. And add some tusk implants so she’ll look more like these elephants in Nature. That way, we’ll finally have a Rosie! Take that, Purdue! You and your rusty junk heap of a locomotive knock-off.

Unfortunately, I hit a little snag on the way. Apparently, elephants juiced on testosterone become aggressive! In hindsight, I probably shouldn’t have asked an EE about female physiology. Or had a Civil design the non-concrete restraints. Anyway, Rosie went on a rampage in downtown Terre Haute. Luckily, no one could really tell the difference, so the authorities didn’t press charges. I’m not really sure where Rosie went. I believe that the Rose women are hiding her from my perfectly normal and legitimate intentions, as they threatened to smite me onto the blacklist if I attempted to locate her again. Still, we need a Rosie and I am not going to give up. I have gathered a crack-free team of MEs to build a better, stronger, and faster Rosie MK.II. Once we have finished bioengineering flesh onto her adamantium skeleton, Rosie will be back… with vengeance!