Wacky Prof Quotes

“I injured my shoulder playing ‘Candy Land’ with my kids.”

-- Prof. Christ, who is fragile



“You don’t want to rape the guy that you’re peer reviewing…”

-- Prof. Mellor, with good advice



“If he does punch you in the face, he’s a CS. It probably won’t be that bad.”

-- Prof. Fisher, on angering computer scientists



“Movies are just screwed up. You shouldn’t watch movies.”

-- Prof. Wollowski, just being weird



“This is an educational exercise, not a motivational exercise.”

-- Prof. Luegenbiehl, on suicide and death



“I’m not so tied to the real world.”

-- Prof. McMurdy, who is ethereal

“God comes to me late at night and tells me, ‘You’re going to Hell.’”

-- Prof. Luegenbiehl, most likely for a reason



“I hate multiplication. I had one son, then decided never to multiply again.”

-- Prof. Stienstra, who must dislike his son



“If it’s your mom, tell her I’ll call her back.”

-- Prof. Minster, after a student’s cell phone rang



“We need 8 students, preferably 2 each of freshmen, sophomores, juniors, and lazy scum.”

-- Prof. Throne, as lazy scum, I resent that.



“If it’s your mom, tell her I’ll call her back.”

-- Prof. Minster, after a student’s cell phone rang



“Guys are constantly cranking out sperm.”

-- Prof. Anthony... whoa.

“For some reason, not everyone consults with me before choosing their notation.”

-- Prof. McMurdy, the universal authority



“Opium in a glass by chef Boyardee - just pop it in the microwave!”

-- Prof. Minster, promoting drug use



“I don’t want that A-hole to break.”

-- Prof. Ferro, on breaking A-holes



“GOTOs are for killing!”

-- Prof. Clifton Smash!



“What the probability function allows mathematicians to do is change a probability problem into a calculus problem, which they thought was an improvement.”

-- Prof. Black, probably