Top ten things only the best schools have

Ten percent of their state’s blood donations.

The ability to talk with your advisor without giving him six telephone calls, three e-mails, four appointments, two sit-ins, and a lunar eclipse first

Periodic geese infestations (just you wait, freshmen!)

A mascot that’s not allowed as a residence hall pet

Professors that aren’t afraid to pour liquid nitrogen into their pockets

Free t-shirts that say what you really think about your rival

A president that talks his students into line dancing with him

A state-of-the-art “Lake” complete with space-age raft for recreational activities.

A femto-don’t-know-what-it-does-but-it-sounds-sweet laser

A large percentage of women that play video games (women will never appreciate how awesome that is)