Air fair... or fowl‽

Ever since the first cave man stepped out of his cave, remarked on the beauty of the clean blue sky, and got hit between the eyes by a feathery bomber, man has longed to take to the skies and return the favor to those aerial fleabags. I’m sure we’ve all been victims of those blasted pillowcase stuffings.

Well, the time for vengeance has come! My plan to exact revenge with a blimp full of raw sewage to take down those living featherdusters fell out of the sky and made a rather nasty splatter*. Unfazed, I hijacked one of the jets at the Terre Haute Air Fair and sent a couple of AIM-7 Sparrows at sparrows. It was the perfect plan. Even if I missed, I could have sucked them into the engines. And I would have gotten away with it too, if it weren’t for those meddling Audobon kids and my wingman betraying me for some hot chick. I guess you can’t commit extinction without breaking a few eggs. But never fear; our vengeance is truly nigh this time. I have imported avian flu and distributed it on campus. We’ll never have to live in fear of those creatures again.

* The consistency of Scum Pond was not significantly changed.