Wacky prof quotes

“If you spin it real hard, it’ll break. Sort of like my grandmother.”

-Prof. Stienstra, on geriatric tolerances



“They might brush their teeth the entire flight!”

-Prof. Clifton, on terrorism



“Ever made rock candy? No? Ever made meth?”

-Prof. Goldman, on weekend projects



“Do not fondle fractured surfaces. No licking.”

-Prof. Stienstra, on sexy brittle fracture



“If you bring an equation sheet, I’ll cut off your dominant hand.”

-Prof. Ferguson, promoting corporal punishment



“When you’re going through puberty, you’re thinking a lot about sex, religion and some mathematics thrown in there somewhere.”

-Prof. Chenoweth, who wasn’t cool in middle school

“This is not-I repeat, not ­-rocket science! This is a cartoon!”

-Prof. Moloney, making an important distinction



“You can’t read a bond, you can’t drink a bond, and you definitely can’t smoke a bond.”

-Prof. Bremmer, on why bonds are for losers



“Is this the plight of the chlorine atom?”

-Prof. Erwin, on unattainable noble gas configurations



“Keep your nose out of his registers!”

-Prof. Merkel, on messing with other people’s bits



“We all say, ‘Go back to Crapo, we don’t need you.’”

-Prof. Ferguson, on mathematicians



“We give you a lot of work, and students bitch. That’s how the two parties work.”

-Prof. Carvill, on collegiate politics