If Hose student résumés told the truth
Joe D. Engineerenginejd@rose-hulman.edu
Hose-Rulman Institute of Technology
B.S., What an Appropriate Acronym for My Degree
Status: Super-Duper-Senior
GPA: 2.16 / 4.0
GPA for major courses later than 4th hour during spring quarter in the last year: 4.0 / 4.0*
Notable Courses: College & Life Skills, Calculus I (x3)
* Grades I would have if I had taken such a course
Technical Skills
C+ (Listed on better parts of transcript), SQL (heh-heh, dump, heh-heh), Visual Basic (can basically see with corrective lenses)
Proficiency in all major instant messaging / illegal downloading / porn-surfing software suites
Interpersonal Skills
N33r n4t1v3 f1u3ncy N 133t
Went on a date once
Superior personal hygiene (compared to that one guy on Deming 1 freshman year)
Skills ripped off from Napoleon Dynamite
Numchuck skills
Bowhunting skills
Computer hacking skills
JDE Retail Enterprises
Founder/CEO
Developed plan to redistribute print learning materials via interactive entrepreneurial retail application*
Reinvested capital in liquid social networking supply system**
* i.e. sold books on eBay ** i.e. spent money on beer
Guild Wars
Party Leader
Prevented party members from acquiring real friends
Developed advanced bladder mastery skills
Independent Grant Research
Researcher
Once looked up a guy named “Grant” on Facebook
Dean’s List (of students on Academic Probation), all quarters
Most Frequent Customer, Sonka’s Irish Pub
References available upon request but oh, God, please, no
Please direct all questions and comments to the feedback page.