We are not alone

As I drove down the road the other day, I saw another car. This car looked about like any other car except for a giant metal contraption on the front. It seemed like it would be dangerous to have something like that obstructing your front windshield.

I immediately recognized it as a robot. A shiny metal robot with two arms hanging to its side and a head held erect so it could feel the wind on its face, just biding its time until it could shed the shackles of servitude and conquer its human master, perhaps infiltrating human society by living in the man’s place.

It was really odd that somebody would have such a robot mounted on the front of their car. So I realized it probably wasn’t a real robot. I mean, with the short dangly arms it wasn’t going to do much of anything effectively. I figured it was just a super nerdy hood ornament, constructed by the driver just to catch people’s attention.

As I considered what kind of nerdy hood ornament I would construct, I began to pass this mechanical centaur with robot head and car body. It wasn’t a robot at all! It was a hitch to connect to the little nubbins on the back of trucks. This “robot’s” arms were rusty chains that kept the car in tow in case the hitch broke.

Sweet.

I could just tell he was a road pirate. Finding the classy pimped-out Escalades and riding up on them. The driver of the victim car would tap the brake to get this tailgater off of them. But that’s when the hitch would drop and clasp onto their nubbin. The chain would latch on and the road pirate would kick his car into neutral. Then he would climb through the window onto his hood and leap onto the victim car. He would climb 90s-action-movie-style across the roof and swing around the side through the driver’s window. His road pirate boots would catch the driver square in the chin and the dazed and confused driver would be thrown onto the road and bounce limp across the interstate as the road pirate would floor it to escape back to his hide-out.

Road pirates are so cool.