Making my mark

I have a confession to make. I am feeling a bit left out. Generally, I end my emails the same way, with just my name. Recently, as I see minor novellas attached to just about every email, I feel a touch deficient. Why don’t I too put my entire résumé at the end of every email I send out? Why don’t I too include all of my personal contact information in random emails that I send to complete strangers? After all, I am so self-righteously important that I feel the whole world will want to have this information because, I mean, hot damn, it’s me!

So, I’ve decided that I’m going to construct the most pimpin’ signature ever. I will be sure to attach it to every email, no matter the length or who I’m sending it to (be it all.campus, my friends, or a random group that I think needs to get an eyeful of all of my accomplishments). Take a gander at this signaturific masterpiece:



Ryan Schultz

1337 H4X0R Mechanelectroputer Engineering Major



• Future “Really Really Rich Guy” according to U.S. News and World Report

• Mrs. Wismer’s Kindergarten Fastest-Fingerpainter Award

• Voted “Most likely to do something” in 6th grade Earth Science

• Tripped and fell down the stairs at high school graduation

• Recipient of first speeding ticket ever on a Segway going backwards

• Rose Chapter of the British Ministry of Silly Walks - Silly Walk Prototyper

• Church-of-ARA Tater-Tot-Worship Prayer Group - Ultimate Full-Contact Euchre Team and Tater-Tot Eater

• Intermittent Flour-Pile-on-Sidewalk Dumper (haha!)

• Gorgeously handsome (and single!)



Cell: 555-537-8008

Room: 812-555-1234

Fax: 924-855-5555

Email: yeahright17@getthepointyet?.com

Room number: 1414 ARes North Wing



If, for some reason I happen to not be in my head, just knock three times, do the hokey pokey, and I should get back to you at the next lunar eclipse.