Why I think that I am qualified

My 7738th afternoon on this planet, though it was scheduled for the 7736th, was spent in a meeting of an organization to which I involuntary contribute $165 dollars a year. When the green climbing device was in my hand, I thanked an individual for providing me with a substance that burnt my tongue. After my voice box stopped vibrating, I sat there thinking if I could calculate how many taste buds this liquid had destroyed. I realized I would probably need to determine the surface area of my tongue, thus I would have to do some triple integral nonsense (though that is one of the few things I can still do on Maple). Before I could determine another step to solve a problem that I would not actually get around to solve, another individual spoke with the green device.

He talked about how he was the new editor of this newspaper, and he was looking for writers. This made the gears in my head, which do not actually exist, start to turn. I realized that I read the Top Ten in every single edition to see if there is a Hertz reference. I also skim the Wacky Prof Quote, mainly to see if any of my current professors are quoted. On the rare occasion that I want to experimentally question the use of water as the universal solvent, I only read about one third of the paper. Acetone would have been a better choice in this case, but darn ketones are so hard to form.

Furthermore, I am qualified to talk about current events because I have watched “The Daily Show” when five questions was still a segment. I continue to watch this show when there are not any classes that I can “sleep through” on a once-a-fortnight basis! Also, I look at the front page of The Indianapolis Star when I walk by the “free” display in the commons. I ask you what is brighter than a star. According to Thesaurus.com, brightness is a synonym for intelligence, and brightness is also a synonym for luminosity. Since photons are absorbed in my skin all the time, then by the transitive property knowledge of daily events would be known. This is assuming that I make the strenuous quest past the display each day.

I am also qualified because I understand the needs of an average Rose student. I mean ... I go to Rose ... and I am a student. What more do you want? Wait a second, who is this “you” person. I checked on Facebook, there isn’t a “you” that goes to Rose-Hulman, and if they are not on Facebook, then they do not exist. On that topic, Jezze Chrezze must only have a MySpace page. That guy provides an example of how quickly a judicial system can operate. Texas could learn something from that pilot guy.

I believe that even in this short passage the qualificationminhood of my writing is apparent. I mean, there is not any thing that I do not understand in this column so far. Since I have declared that I represent the average Rose student, there should not be any problems with any other person ascertaining the idiosyncrasies of the black ink shapes presented to them so far. Related to black ink shapes, I wonder if Arabic speakers think we waste too much space in our writing. I bet that is why they are so mad at us all the time. It does not have anything to do with two different guys who liked to talk about this invisible guy.

I can not think of any good way to end this article. I have written and deleted more endings than times I went to P-Chem. The reason why I wrote this article was to prove that I was qualified to write an article. I should have written a normal opinion article. Alas, hindsight is 20/20. Though, my glasses are never clean enough to see 20/20.