Campus parking restrictions

Effective from one week before the event until eifty-threve hours after the event.



SRC lots: These lots are closed to students, faculty, and those attending the event. This is part of a 200 yard “safe zone” around the event, where no liquid fuels, propellants, or flammable sports drinks can be located in anticipation of the possibility of a surprise visit from the President of the United States.

Apartments lot: All traffic will be diverted here in lieu of using the SRC lots, where strict parking laws will be in effect. The lot will be patrolled continuously. Despite lot overcrowding and a significantly lower number of handicapped persons living in the Apartments than there are handicapped spaces available, people parking in these spots without the appropriate tags will have both legs broken on the spot in order to validate the parking.

Myers lot: Every second space in this lot will be reserved for NCAA officials, their families, and their egos. On every fifth quarter of an hour, this setup will invert. Those in violation of this rule run the risk of having their vehicles crushed by huge egos and families.

Percopo lot: All cars in this lot are a serious distraction to the visiting athletes and have already been destroyed for your convenience.

BSB lot: The cars in this parking lot have all been ticketed. In order to void the ticket, you must attend the aforementioned event where you are required to cheer loudly for a total of at least ten minutes. After that, there will be a large hoop set up outside of the Public Safety office through which you then jump to the satisfaction of those present.