Stargazing in the papers

Lately, I’ve been having trouble sleeping. My alarm might have something to do with it, but I think there is something deeper and more terrifying that has haunted my dreams as of late. I am afraid that one day, I will wake up and the Indianapolis Star will not have the Colts on the front page.

For the past three weeks, ever since they became conference champions, the Colts have, without exception, been on the front page above the fold in the Indy Star. That was a source of great comfort for me, knowing that the loving stability of Peyton Manning’s Adonis-like face was always there to reassure me.

Every night I would fall asleep, terrified that I might wake up and there would not be a half-page, full-color picture of the boys in white and blue on the front of the Star. But every morning, my fears were quelled by almost-life size pictures of the men that represented both the pinnacle of human achievement and the promise of a better tomorrow for all mankind.

The day after they won the Super Bowl, the Star had a 40-page Colts feature section. Mmmm. More pages dedicated to the Colts than the Star usually devotes to its whole newspaper. I was in heaven.

Then, Wednesday hit, and my world came to a screeching halt. No Colts! They had just won the Super Bowl three days before; surely the Star hadn’t forgotten our heroes already! Just because the season is over and there is literally no news to report on them doesn’t mean we should forget them! It’s blasphemous. Let’s all rise up and tell the Star what we want: not the dry, boring, news that actually impacts the world. We want more Colts!

Let me leave you with this parting thought: on the first day, Peyton Manning created God. On the second day, he told God to finish the job while Peyton practiced his football.