A video game for the holidays

Just in time for the holidays, it’s “Charles Dickens’s Scrooge: The Video Game!” Usually I don’t play video games with “The Video Game” as the subtitle, but it’s the holidays and everyone and everything deserves a chance. This game, however, just doesn’t have the feel of the license the way we’ve all envisioned it.

The first half of the game is just another clone of “Grand Theft Auto.” It was kind of cool how they added the Scrooge twist to it, where you can’t actually steal anything; you just have to buy things. Then, with a quirky, “Dance Dance Revolution”-style mini-game, you have to add addendums and obscure tax laws to get most of your money back. You get a similar mini-game when you try to buy your way out of trouble with the police after running over too many people. My biggest problem with this part of the game is that hiring hookers to regain your health and then running them over to get your money back is just gratuitous. Did they even think about how kids would want to play this game?

The game does take a turn for the worse when Bob Marley shows up. Hideo Kojima (creator of “Metal Gear Solid”) guest-directed the sequence. So after a long cinematic of Scrooge putting on a night gown, he hears a sound. You then have to sneak through your house avoiding Bob Marley’s ghost so you can go to bed, but once do you’re caught by Bob’s ghost and subjected to another 30 minute unplayable, un-skippable movie.

The game tried to be too innovative with the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future. They added in a time control feature like in “Prince of Persia,” but it’s tied to the ghost that visits you. The ghost of Christmas Past worked pretty well, because rewinding time to undo mistakes is a useful ability. However, the ghost of Christmas Future was silly, because fast-forwarding mistakes to lose quicker is anti-fun. And I don’t know what crack the development team was smoking, but pressing a button to make the present more present is just weird. It’s like the time I bought an extra-medium shirt only to find that it was too much medium for me.

My largest beef is with the ending. Spoiler warning! Scrooge is redeemed and you have to buy Tiny Tim’s family that Christmas goose as well as apologize to/resuscitate everyone you crossed in the first half of the game. Not to mention that it was reworked to hit the “Christmas isn’t about capitalist merchandising” angle by having the ghosts be very upset with Scrooge for anxiously awaiting presents. It’s just ironic coming from a licensed, piece-of-crap game with in-game advertising for other holiday classics and toys.

I can only recommend buying this game if you find it in a bargain bin for less than $10, because running over hookers in a buggy with the unlockable Scrooge McDuck is a hilarious moment that will finally taint what’s left of your sweet childhood memories.