Dust-covered candy cane tragedy

“A candy cane is a hard cane-shaped candy stick. It is traditionally white with red stripes and flavored with peppermint.”

That’s Wikipedia’s (transient) definition, which in no way captures the amazingness of the candy cane. It’s like Christmas rolled into a stick of sugar that leaves my breath smelling potently fresh. Not to mention that its design is brilliant for conveniently carrying it hooked around one’s ear.

My friend was given a treat bag for Christmas and I asked for a piece. I was eyeing his sumptuous bite-sized Snickers. He said “no” and I walked away, no hard feelings. But then he stopped me and said, “You can have the candy cane…” My eyes grew three sizes that day. I was baffled by the notion of giving away such a sweet treat. I immediately snatched it from his hand, unwrapped it, and began creating the tastiest, pointiest, most inner-cheek-stabbing device in human history.

I enjoyed the peppermint flavor to my car, where, before beginning my journey home, I decided to pick a good traveling CD. As I reached into the armrest to make my selection, gravity did its foul deed.

I remember the event in heartbreaking slow motion. The sugary cane slid from its place pressed between my right cheek and teeth, and, pulled by the weight of its crook, fell off my lips. My heart pounded violently as my sweet treasure was lost. It fell perfectly vertical between my seat and armrest, into the forbidden zone of lost coins and hamburger-bun crumbs.

I quickly squeezed my hand into the crevasse worked my pinched hand so that the furthest stretch of my fingers touched the tip of my candy. Each attempt was met with cold, sticky fingertips. I tried harder, but only managed to push the candy farther away. A tear came to my eye as I thought of the little crumbs and hairs the sticky tip could be collecting, and my efforts doubled. I couldn’t bear the thought of my beautiful confection being lost!

A hard push let me retrieve it by reaching under the seat. All seemed lost as the point of the can had collected clutter and the rest of the cane was fractured. As I began to throw my sweet away, I stopped. I looked at the candy cane for a moment, broke off the dirty tip, and ate my candy piece by fractured piece. The memory of that candy cane will not be forgotten this December 26: National Candy Cane Day.