Doe: a deer; a deadly deer

It was a dark evening. The sun had set earlier than it had the day before. I was an innocent young man on the way to my innocent car to drive to some innocent place, when I came upon a brush with death.

As I walked down the sidewalk parallel to Apartment Res, I glimpsed two shining eyes in the field where the volleyball court lies, just beyond the shrubbery. They bounded out to reveal the full silhouette of a deer.

The hairs on my neck stood up. I was at full alert. I had heard tales of such beasts and seen them from the safety of my car, but I had never been within 30 yards of one. Its beauty was matched only by its deadliness as it turned its head about, investigating the area.

I was a God-fearing city-boy, so I prayed that the creature wouldn’t pounce! As I understood, deer weighed at least twice as much as me, and ran even faster. My basic physics knowledge of “force equals mass times acceleration” was all it took for me to realize this mighty beast could trample me on a whim.

Using a technique I learned from the film “Jurassic Park,” I stood perfectly still - like a deer caught in headlights - hoping it wouldn’t see me. But my fear multiplied as another deer bounded from the shrub. It hung close to the first and looked back at the shrub as another deer appeared. It was closely followed by yet another deer.

There were four deer and only one of me. My situation was feeling more dire than ever. I recalled the story my friend shared of a drunken fool who took down a deer with a knife, so being sober I assumed I could take at least one of them in the charge. I reached into my pocket. Without a knife I was forced to draw my only weapon: an ink pen. I clicked the back so that the inked ball emerged and hoped it was truly mightier, then apologized to myself for even thinking that hackneyed joke.

The deer didn’t even notice me before, like some sort of deus ex machina, a car turned the corner with headlights blaring. It immediately caught the deer’s attention. Feeling free, I began to slink towards my car, only to freeze again after a couple steps. A fifth deer appeared from the shrub, unshaken by the headlight, its beady, black eyes stared unwaveringly into mine.

The car pointed its lights at the first four deer, the deer stood frozen, and the fifth deer and I held our fierce deadly gazes. After what felt like years, all three parties slowly departed in an uneasy truce. I pocketed my pen, grateful there was no need for it to spill blood on that night.