“Unbelievable Brilliance” indeed

Did you know that the world’s giraffes now live in Terre Haute, Indiana, having arrived via conveyor? Did you know that in 1981, the room of your mouth starred in a popular sitcom called “That’s the Roof of My Mouth!” that aired after “Chico and the Man”? Well, now you do, thanks to “Giraffes? Giraffes!” and “Your Disgusting Head”, the first two books in The Haggis-On-Whey World of Unbelievable Brilliance.

Dr. Doris Haggis-On-Whey is the world-famous scientist and explorer (with 17 degrees from 18 institutions of higher learning) you have heard so much about. Benny helps her with her work and enjoys almonds, too, and socks when they are warm. Together, they are Dr. and Mr. Haggis-On-Whey, and they write very informative books full of interesting facts.

The H-O-W? book series is one of a handful of recent books that look like reference books but are full of lies. John Hodgman’s “The Areas of My Expertise” did it to almanacs, and “The Daily Show” writers’ “America (The Book)” did it to textbooks. This series handles those books on science that nerds like me read during elementary school.

The books are full of colorful diagrams and clipart non-sequitors, and each contains a special little extra (“Giraffes? Giraffes!” includes a set of useful reference cards). The production values of the series is so high that I find myself wondering if maybe, possibly, the creators don’t realize it’s a joke.

But that’s impossible. The facts are ludicrous, and the tone throughout is too absurd. Giraffes do not come from Neptune, and your ears were not designed by Fernando de la Mancini-Goldfarb in two days. Dr. Haggis-On-Whey speaks with ridiculous self-importance despite correcting herself at least once a page. And, of course, the pictures of the pair are too wonderful. Dr. Doris, with her clipboard and perpetual scowl, and Benny, with his idiot grin, stare forth from the beginning of each book, daring us to disbelieve.

With all that, though, the books do go a little too far. You can only take so many lands named Jacob or Irish-controlled mirrors before you say, “Yes, all right, I get it. These facts aren’t true.” These are not books to read through in one sitting. If, however, you have a significant other that you enjoy annoying by reading aloud bizarre passages of prevarication, these may be the books for you.

Both books are published by Simon & Schuster, and have a listed price of $16.95. However, I got my copies for $3 each in the bargain bin of the Borders at the mall. The third book in the series, “Animals of the Ocean, in Particular the Giant Squid,” is scheduled to be released later this month.