Fall 1998

A caring college helps parents "let go"

The Chairman's Corner

by Guille Cox, Chairman, Board of Trustees

The lives of our children are marked by rights of passage,- milestones that delineate transitions from one phase to the next. They are filled with conflicting emotions for the whole family, because they instill nostalgia, anticipation, and often anxiety. Birth; our children’s first words; their first steps; their significant successes and failures; obtaining their driver’s licenses; high school graduation; marriage and going to college are examples.

The rites of passage of each child are usually traversed successfully but with enough uneasiness to force vivid recollections. Going to college is perhaps, one of the most emotional for both parent and child. The child is fearful of leaving home, having to adjust to a new independence, facing an unknown world, and proving success. The parent is fearful for the child’s welfare.

Although preparations have been made to “let go”, parents have deep conflicting emotions. Even though the high school student is already out of the “nest” he or she is still in the same tree. We know that flight to the next tree can be dangerous and with the first child leaving we tend to imagine the worst scenarios. When the last child leaves, another emotion becomes more predominant— we have spent the best part of our lives raising our children, sharing in their joys and successes and assisting them in times of difficulty. What will we do with our time as the nest is completely empty? We know we must keep these feelings in check because if we display too much fear for the child, or regret the loss of close companionship, the child may not be able to leave with confidence as he or she must.

Cindy and I are sending our last to college. What must be must be. But what helps is we know we are sending her into good hands (not to Rose because of her interest in life sciences, but a similar, small, excellent midwestern, private college).

We know that she will not just be a number in the Registrar’s office left to sink or swim alone. Small private colleges, such as Rose-Hulman, will sincerely care about her, and the faculty and staff will measure their own success by the success they impart to the students. There will be support and a safety net. We as parents will be kept informed, and no question we have will go unanswered. The college will be just as willing to help us “let go”, as to help our daughter adjust to a new life and become a mature adult. Understanding institutions of higher learning such as Rose-Hulman ease the transition to a new beginning for both parent and child.