Some Funny Stories
NUDITY (don't assume...just read it!)
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman
in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was
reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, "Mom!
That lady isn't wearing a seat belt!"
HONESTY
My son Zachary, 4, came screaming out of the bathroom to tell me he'd dropped
his toothbrush in the toilet. So I fished it out and threw it in the garbage.
Zachary stood there thinking for a moment, then ran to my bathroom and came out
with my toothbrush. He held it up and said with a charming little smile, "We
better throw this one out too then, 'cause it fell in the toilet a few days ago.
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his
mother. The note read, "The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily
those of his parents."
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup to come out of the jar. During her
struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the
phone. "It's the minister, Mommy," the child said to her mother. Then she added,
"Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the
bottle."
MORE NUDITY
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room.
When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels
and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked,
"What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"
POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was
interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my
uniform, she asked, "Are you a cop?" "Yes," I answered and continued writing the
report. "My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that
right?" "Yes, that's right," I told her. "Well, then," she said as she extended
her foot toward me, "would you please tie my shoe?"
POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station.
As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a
little boy staring in at me. "Is that a dog you got back there?" he asked. "It
sure is," I replied Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of
the van. Finally he said, "What'd he do?"
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I
used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly
intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers
and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in
a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely
turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my
time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let
me talk!"
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family bible. He was fascinated as he fingered
through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up
the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed
in between the pages. "Mama, look what I found," the boy called out." What have
you got there, dear?" With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered,
"I think it's Adam's underwear!"