| A. |
School is like a 50-year old whore with burn scars covering
half of her body; it’s hard to get excited about her, but she’ll
teach you a thing or two about life, love, and fire safety
procedures. |
| B. |
School learns me good. |
| C. |
School is like hemorrhoids, it hurts at the end. |
| D. |
School is like a baseball team where you are the coach
calling the shots, the players screwing it up, and the bookie
making big bucks by rigging the game. |
| E. |
School is like cafeteria food: sometimes good, sometimes
bad. You’re usually best off fending for yourself, but careful,
your choices will definitely have future consequences. |
| F. |
School is not only a educational experience, but also a
place where dreams are envisioned and reached. |
| G. |
School is like betting all of your worth on the trifecta at
Churchill downs on the race before the Kentucky derby and you
bet on the bobtailed nag because of that one song and in the end
you learn something but only because you lost all of your money.
Don’t gamble with your future. Work at McDonald’s. |
| H. |
My schoolwork stimulus, like a moldy sandwich, has many
interesting facets such as old mayonnaise. |
| I. |
School is a tool. It is a tool of preparation for life. |
| J. |
School is like flying a prop plane straight up: it’s really
cool at first, then you stall, then it just becomes one downward
spiral. |
| K. |
School whips us with the lashes of homework trying to
inflict scars of knowledge. |
| L. |
School is like going into Eastern Kentucky where they’ll
shoot you if you even look at them the wrong way and saying you
smell like rotten cheese and are unfit for society. |
| M. |
Schooling is like the gum on the bottom of your shoe: No
matter where you go, it’ll always stay with you, even if you try
really hard to pry it off with a stick or something. |
| N. |
School is like a date that your best buddy set up with a
forty-five year old hobo with crabs and a severe case of
narcolepsy: you’d do anything to get out of it. |
| O. |
School is like a movie with a criminal that got sent to jail
for being a bad secretary and now they have to listen to the
security guard and do a lot reports. |
| P. |
School is like hunting, except you’re the animal |
| Q. |
School is like difficulty. |
| R. |
School is like a bad smoking habit. It’s cool, expensive,
and won’t kill you, no matter what the experts say. |
| S. |
School is eating bad Mexican food too many times; nothing
good ever comes out of it. |
| T. |
School is a lot like this metaphor, a half-arsed attempt at
getting some entertainment and meaning out of life. |
| U. |
School, you see, is like fishing – only not really for fish,
more like for, say, bats – and realizing that, while you’re
swinging that line up in the air slowly becoming proficient at
it, you look like a jackass, you don’t know what you’re doing,
and you don’t know what the hell you’re going to do with the
bat. |
| V. |
School is like prison, once you step in the door you don’t
see the light of day until your times up. |
| W. |
School is a puppy—it is all fun and games at first. You have
fun playing with the puppy and learning about it. You throw a
ball and the puppy brings it back. Then the puppy becomes a dog,
and you still have a few more fun filled years of enjoyment.
Finally, your dog becomes old and blind and can no longer see
the ball you throw for it. You still love him, but realize that
it is time to let go. This is when you decide to get a cat (AKA
a job). |
| X. |
School is like a wart always there and always nagging. Only
during the summer time does this festering thing go into
estivation. Then in the fall the wart rears its ugly head and
becomes closer than home for all who reside on campus. This
amplification of grossness is like when you run yourself into a
rut and get one bad grade after another until the end seems
inconceivable. Warts do not get snow delays or a
cancellation…class does go on. |
| Y. |
School is like getting a pan out of the cupboard and filling
the pan with water, and then rinsing it out because there's a
bug in it, and then refilling it and then putting the heat on,
low, and then getting a bag of nondescript pasta and opening the
bag of pasta and spilling the pasta all over the kitchen floor
and then thinking, sweet holy Margaret, when am I ever going to
eat? |