Sometimes, I wonder what the Physics Department of this school gets up to. I would ask them, but the answer would probably involve an unhealthy level of the word “quantum.” But the Physics Department is the only solution I can think of for a quite troubling problem. My room has become a vortex. A hungry, hungry vortex. So far it has eaten my black AOII shirt, my student ID (which cost $10 to replace), my brown flip flops, and a book entitled Please Don’t Come Back from the Moon. I thought it had eaten my probability folder too, but it turns out it just got left in the Thorn office. What are the odds of that? Ha. Ha. Ha.

Anyway. Perhaps it’s because I know the speed of these objects (they are not moving), and I therefore cannot know their location? No, that is ridiculous. It’s definitely become a vortex. Because I certainly couldn’t have just lost all of these items. Dorm rooms, as I understand it, take up a (very) finite amount of space, and I’m pretty sure I have observed all of that space, and I haven’t seen any hint of a brown flip flop or the missing shirt. I highly doubt this has anything to do with being lost-prone. It’s certainly not like that time last year when I lost my purse for a month, only to find it in a drawer I rarely used. So, Physics Department, do me a favor and stop messing around with the space-time continuum, and return my stuff, okay?