Key Senate Achievement: Never been in the Senate, thereby not burdened with any kind of negative record.
Political Experience: Appeared numerous times on Fox News, also once convinced the senate to put partisanship aside to support bill declaring him to be awesome.
Issues: Pro-kicking people in the face, also supports kicking people in other areas.
People Who Have Influenced Him Most: Bruce Lee – Martial Artist
Favorite Shoe: Kicko! – The boot specially designed for kicking things.
Key Issues
Health Care: Promises to teach sick people the art of micro-fu, where white blood cells learn how to round-house kick cancer cells in the nucleus.
Iraq War: Will personally visit the Middle East and convert everyone to Chuck Norrism, hereby finally securing peace in the troubled region.
Abortion: Will oppose any measure preventing a fair and clean fight to the death between the fetus and the mother.
Immigration: Supports the immigration of anyone who might be able to fill a role in Walker, Texas Ranger 2.
Economy: Will find the invisible hand and beat money out of whoever it is attached to.
Climate: To reduce global warming, he will launch himself into the sun and physically force hydrogen nuclei from fusing.
Foreign Affairs: Promises to recognize any children that result from such affairs.