“I heard zero and I heard steady state. I swear no one said banana.”

— Dr. Moorhead, explaining the tenth law of ConApps: the banana is a lie.

“You can only breed with yourself.”

— Dr. Coppinger. Good thing I slept through health class in high school. It was wrong.

“This is where you grind up the slaves to make sugar.”

— Dr. Martland, being as politically incorrect as I have ever seen someone.

“The Martian thing is a very cool, sexy-scientific sort of thing.”

— Dr. Layton, discussing why Marvin the Martian should be on Maxim’s Hot 100 List.

“There, that’s all I wanted to tell you. If that makes you want to take drugs, great.”

— Dr. Bryan, thus no explanation is needed.

“I tell you what, you won’t be laughing so hard after the nuclear war.”

— Dr. Stienstra, who is correct.

“I don’t give pity points for being pathetic.”

— Dr. VanSchoiack, the most caring prof since...ever.

“Beethoven has a way of taking you to almost the point where you blow your brains out.”

— Dr. Turner, speaking on behalf of every man ever dragged to a symphony.

“It feels really good in your mouth.”

— Dr. House...That’s what...