We can all agree that humans have been in charge for a very long time. We also know that all good things must come to an end. With these facts in mind, and assuming you believe that humans running things around here is a good thing, it is easy to think that someday we, as humans, will lose control of this planet. Sadly, I must inform everyone that this day is not as far off as we once thought.

Indeed, humans will no longer be the dominant species on this fine planet we call Earth. To briefly sum it up: There is an asteroid on a path headed directly towards us at this very second. In a few days’ time it will collide with Earth, and life as we know it will cease to exist. However, there is still hope; everything is not destined to be wiped out. The key to your survival lies in the furry little paws of the greatest domesticated house pet. Of course, that means cats.

You may be thinking to yourself right now, “Cats?” Don’t worry, this is completely normal. It is always hard to grasp such drastic ideas when they are first presented. It is true, though, that cats hold the key to your survival. Their species alone knows where to hide from the asteroid as it strikes, and how to survive after everything has been destroyed. With this information, you, as an informed citizen of planet Earth, have four options.

First, create a friendship or continue a friendship with a cat of your choice. This is by far the most logical choice. Cats are friendly, cute, and soft. Who wouldn’t want to be friends with something like that? Also, because most humans are going to be destroyed soon, the next generation of leaders is most likely going to be one of your feline friends. It’s always nice to network.

Second, pretend to be friends with a cat of your choice. This option is not suggested whatsoever, but it is a path that some choose. You’re not a very nice person if you pretend to be friends with someone, but if that’s what you want it’s your choice. Don’t be surprised if the cat you are “befriending” sees through your guise they are clever little creatures and leads you to your death in return.

Third, try to follow a cat when the end is upon us. Though this option may work if you find a highly distracted cat who happens to be blind and deaf, it is not usually easy to follow a cat without them being aware of it. Should it catch you, may whatever god you pray to have mercy on your soul.

Fourth, attempt to survive on your own. Though I suppose this is commendable, the fact that you haven’t befriended a cat and refuse help from them negates the commendation. You can try this option, but don’t be surprised if it doesn’t work out so well for you.

Now you have all the information you need to survive impending doom. Good luck, and may you enjoy a long happy life under feline rule.