Babama solves Outdiana town’s ills

President Orack Babama visited Herre Taute, Outdiana this week, marking his first visit since becoming president. In his long-awaited visit, Babama was able to solve the ills that have plagued the Outdiana town for years. Babama cleansed the river of all pollutants with a single tear from his eye, restoring the Rabash River to its never-before-seen glory; its sandy beaches and clear blue water now rival those of the Caribbean islands. After thanking the town for their support, he left the city to solve the ills plaguing Larry, Outdiana, and local citizens realized the air had been cleansed and filtered, and the roads have been repaved, leaving no potholes anywhere within the entire city limits. Mayor Buke Dennett said all citizens of Herre Taute may receive a free President Babama youPod by visiting city hall.

Fussin’ president killed

Following a freak hunting accident in Roscow, Fussin’ President Medmitry Dvedev is dead. Dvedev was accidentally killed in a snipe hunt with Prime Minister Pladimir Vutin. Officials have announced that the pair were hunting snipe, and were armed with claymores. Vutin has stated that Dvedev was startled and jumped backwards onto Vutin’s claymore, killing him. Vutin said he was “shocked and dismayed” over the death of his longtime friend and political partner. Following the state funeral, Vutin plans to ask the electorate to approve constitutional changes, permitting Vutin to serve as president indefinitely, saying “It’s how Dvedev would want it to happen.”

West Korean rocket actually papier-mâché

Following days of heightened global concern and around-the-clock news coverage, officials are reporting the West Korean rocket is no longer a major concern. When asked about this new development, officials said “We are now convinced it is merely a papier-mâché rocket, designed to fool us into thinking it is real.” Officials said that the material of the rocket was identified after intense review of aerial photographs revealed the camouflage paint to be papier-mâché; the typically smooth sheet metal was bumpy and creased. West Korean officials responded, “it does not matter what the capitalists claim, our rocket will be fired.”