On Monday, I discovered that I have a very strong opinion on something. Something controversial. I’m not going to lie, by the end of this article there’s probably going to be a number of offended readers. Long held beliefs may be challenged. But I feel the truth must get out there.

Converse shoes are awesome.

For Christmas I received a pair of shoes titled, “Chuck Taylor All Star Circuit,” which I had picked out at a Converse outlet a month before. I was quite excited. Free shoes? In my hard to find size? With a circuit pattern? What’s not to love?

Many shoes come with a tag on that explains the All New Revolutionary Comfort Padding Air Support Rocket Powered Bacon Cushions or whatever. These shoes had a tag that talked about how Converse was a basketball shoe back in the day, and it seems the design has not changed much since then. Why use new research about feet to improve your already perfect product? True, things are not exactly the same. Nike, famous for its humanitarian factory conditions and close ties to counter culture, now owns Converse. The shoes are now manufactured in China instead of America, with a “1-ply ‘textile’” instead of the original “2-ply cotton,” according to Wikipedia. With this change in materials, Converse fans are able to buy new styles and colors even more frequently.

I do not know the particular reason behind Converse’s popularity. It could be their unique shape, and the infinite varieties of feeling offered by each shoe. The front gives the wearer a squeezing sensation, which no doubt draws its inspiration from the ever popular Chinese foot binding. The side of the back of the foot is comfortable, as if to intensify the painful sensations elsewhere in the foot area. The two heels compete to see which can give the biggest blister, and the soles not only do not have arch support, but seem to be firmer than concrete. We live a hectic life here at Rose, and the necessity of tying and untying the laces allows you retreat from the world for a few minutes. The fabric is very high-tech, because it is a better conductor than gold, and thus allows your feet to completely experience all the various temperatures available in Terre Haute. Not only do the shoes allow you to experience multiple foot sensations, they also allow you to experience a new walking style. I hear it is sometimes good to mix things up, and who wouldn’t want to try out a slow, painful hobble to and from class? In fact, you don’t even need to wait for class to end to experience the joy of hobbling. You can hobble to a printer in the middle of class! Hobble to the restroom! Hobble to the water fountain! I love these shoes because not only do they release you from the tedious every dayness of “comfortable” shoes, they also make the end of the day even sweeter, because you not only get to unload your backpack, but also get to remove this completely reasonably priced footwear.