Top Ten people who should run for President

10. Jon Stewart: This one’s actually serious. Thanks to making fun of politics for the past 20 or so years, Jon Stewart knows way more about them then pretty much anyone. Think about it.

9. Helen Keller: The current president is deaf, dumb, and blind. At least Helen Keller isn’t dumb... (Please send all complaints to flipside@rose-hulman.edu. Thank you.)

8. Mike Ditka: As a certain Bears fan would say, if Da Coach were to run for da office of da presidency, he would easily receive 300 percent of da popular vote. The other guy, four. Agreed.

7. Hannah Montana a.k.a. Miley Cyrus: (or is it Miley Cyrus a.k.a. Hannah Montana?) Disney has an amazing track record with their young stars having illustrious, respectful careers. Christina Aguilera, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears...Miley will be great.

6. Arnold Schwarzenegger: Look at what he did with California! He’d be great with the U.S.! “Rock the Vote” slogan: “I got in the choppa, you get in the voting booths!”

5. Dr. J: You know the man, who doesn’t love him? Plus, Mrs J. would be the best First Lady ever. Bonus point if his running mate is the other Dr. J, Julius Erving.

4. Me! I’d vote for me, wouldn’t you? I promise a “This isn’t where I parked my car” quote at every speech!

3. Samuel L. Jackson: One. Bad. Motha. (expletive deleted). No one will mess with the U.S. with he-who-is sick and tired of these snakes in charge. No one.

2. Chuck Norris: Nothing is more American than Chuck Norris roundhousing terrorism. Yes, he is also his own running mate. And yes, he’s already won.

1. Erik Hayes: Seriously, after dealing with the 1800 of us, dealing with foreign countries will be cake. Add in immunity to sleep deprivation and Tom Miller as a running mate and its a landslide victory! Pete Gustafson for Secretary of Education!