An open letter to upstairs neighbors

Bumpy-Thumpys keeping you awake at wee hours of the morning? Rude people above you keep bouncing something large and heavy on your head? Use the form letter below to clue-in your clueless upstairs neighbors.

Dear _‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_ (upstairs neighbor):

Congratulations on securing an (apartment/dorm room/abode) directly above mine. I am jealous of your ten foot better view.

I also am envious of your (tap dancing skills/sick sound system/construction business/basketball court) which you also have so successfully installed in your room. How you can manage to be a great student and proficient at (tap/video games/building/bouncing) is beyond the scope of my talents.

I enjoy listening to you (rehearse/kill aliens/frame a house/dribble). It makes me feel like I too am intimately participating in your chosen activity. I enjoy this feeling of camaraderie that I get every time you start banging away above my head. That is, every time except when you decide to (practice/play/work/drill) after 12:30 a.m.

You see, my dear (sir/madam/_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_), sleep is something that is hard-enough to come by at Rose. And your incessant (beating/thudding/hammering/thumping) on my head is sufficiently loud to prevent my slipping into quiet slumber.

Of course, I understand that you are an (oblivious/incompetent) individual with your own life, own schedule, and own freedoms. I do not mean to impose on your schedule. That being said, please realize that your (pounding/hammering/dropping/smashing) is deafening just one floor below your feet.

So, I politely (demand/insist/command) you to refrain from any loud noises after 12:30 a.m. As an individual familiar with the concept of freedom, you understand that your privilege to thud on my head ends when it starts to interfere with my right to sleep. I appreciate your further cooperation in this matter.

Humbly beneath your feet,
_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_‌_ (your name)