Seriously

Since I haven’t made it onto the Flipside much this year-at least not with the phrases I think are funnest-I managed to finagle my way into a little space here in Opinions, a little room of my own where I can opine about “issues.”

Today’s issues are two things that crack me up.

The first is snarky blogs, from Crummy Church Signs to The “Blog” of “Unnecessary” Quotation Marks to Apostrophe Abuse. It doesn’t take much to amuse me. But church signs that say doofy things like “Relief comes in the morning when you’ve been on your knees all night,” posters that use quotations excessively or inexplicably (e.g., “Jesus” Is Coming), and wall-hangings with lamentably obtrusive apostrophes (“Employee’s Only”-really? his one and only?)-all of this stuff slays me, destroys me.

The second “issue,” equally funny to me, is the complaint I’ve heard, mostly through the grapevine, about our school’s waterless urinals mysteriously causing extra “splashback” (necessary quotes, btw: I’m quoting).

Seriously. Splashback? It seems obvious that saving money and thousands of gallons of water is worth a slight difference in odor (though, let’s be honest, “Urinal Cake” was never going to make it as a Chanel scent). But, gents, dudes, people with the Y chromosome: if you’re getting excessive “splashback” (excessive quotes, here: sorry), you’re not using the equipment correctly. And by “equipment” I don’t mean the urinals.