From zero to power ballad in 4.7 seconds

During football this Sunday, the first few commercials featured Slash, former guitarist of Guns’N’Roses. He was totally rocking out and wailing on this sexy black guitar. A quick camera pan down the length of the cord revealed his amp was not an amp at all, but a new Volkswagen!

Using a car as an amp seemed silly, and I fail to see how it would sell cars. What’s the demographic of people who want to hook up their electric guitars in their car? Who are these people? Heaven forbid you try to rock yourself while driving! That’s nearly as dangerous as the driver side having the recline lever. And I don’t know about you, but personally I would discourage my passengers from being backseat rock stars. Sure, everybody loves a good guitar solo, but how many times is your friend ready to explode a legendary guitar solo while he’s in your back seat?

Turns out the promo is that you get the guitar to amp into your car as part of the purchase. That’s odd. That’s ridiculous. That’s… pretty sweet! All of a sudden my air conditioner seems quaint. My power windows seem archaic. And my sunroof? Useless, without an electric guitar amped through my car stereo.

How does the sunroof tie into this electric guitar? Obviously I need to lay a brick on the gas pedal, plant one foot in the passenger seat, and steer the car with my other foot as I cruise down Wabash wailing on my brand new electric guitar! Bow-ee-ow-ow! Oh, I can hear it now. Heads will turn, pedestrians will throw up the horns, and bikers will take up wingmen positions just to hear my glorious rocking!

Although, that sounds quite dangerous to me. The accelerator/brick combo would only worry my mother. However, I have heard of this “hip” thing to do called “ghost ridin’ the whip.” Apparently all the cool kids are jumping out of their “fly” rides while they dance along beside them.

I suppose I could roll my new Volkswagen onto the nearest (most fast and furious) underground racing strip. Then blow everyone’s mind as I “ghost rock the whip.” I could do my rocking guitar solos all the way around my phantom-driven car. I could even stand on the hood for the big finale when I let my sexy rocker hair fall and throw my fist into the air with triumph.

Although I really don’t have sexy rocker hair. More tragically, I have no musical talent whatsoever. I can’t even clap in time. I don’t even think I could successfully rock an air guitar, much less afford a new Volkswagen.